I’ve lived my life like there was no tomorrow

I’d travel no matter what I had to borrow

I’d charge for my dresses and purses and shoes

And drive little sports cars - always brand new.

I figured someday health and looks would give out

So why not have fun while I could still get about.

I traveled, and loved, and enjoyed every minute

But tomorrow has come and now I am in it.

Yes, tomorrow is here and I’m in it knee-deep

But I’m meditating honey, I’m not asleep!

And any new place that I’m dying to see

I sit at my desk and google for free.

When I have an insight with my friends to share

I turn on my facebook, and click, they are there.

Though Financially I did not win place or show

Physically I still have some good years to go

Psychologically speakng, I’m happy, I’d say

And I’m Spiritually blissful seeking my Way.

I thought “living without” would be not worth the living

Instead I’ve discovered the riches of giving.

I will give of my love to whoever may need it

I will share of my soul with all other souls

I will live in full bloom until my body passes

I will empty me until I’m whole.

so many religions, so many divisions

so many rituals, dogmas, traditions

in rote, we recite prayers and mantras and creeds

as we grasp at salvation with offerings and deeds

priests, rabbis and preachers teach folklore, their brand

while our souls join, embracing, clasping hand within hand

singing words of compassion to the tune One vibe

always was, always will be, One celestial tribe.

Here’s to the first day of the best of your life.

Cheers.

To be…

Closer my soul to Thee

Closer my God to me

More compassionate, mindful, more wise and more true

Closer my light to You.

I’m sixty-two

The water’s blue

My window has a white sand view

My money train is chugging through

Just one cloud looms and it is YOU. 

With my mind on my side

And God as my guide

I’m lifting off

For a joyful glide.

No money left to pay the bills

Or lose myself in drinks and thrills

Not a cent to do my hair

Or buy expensive underwear

No more buzzing round the town

In my sports car with the top down

No more travel - anywhere

Not to mention - no healthcare

No more outfits to hobnob

I guess I’d better get a job.

Love got crazier by the minute

First I’d be out, then I’d be in it

Then I’d run out of it again

And then with someone else run in.

But this time, if I’m thinking clearly,

I want to hold on long and dearly

Live every minute just like this

My hand your hand, your kiss my kiss.

Hot and single at sixty-two

Is not an easy thing to do.

Each day grows farther from my grasp

Of flawless skin -flat tum - tight ass.

But why do I care anyway?

Most men are married, or they’re gay.

And should the right guy stumble by

I’d much prefer to catch his eye

With healthy body, soul and mind.

I’d show that man a real good time.

My favorite gal

And travel pal

My best lunch date

And movie mate.

 Oh daughter dear,

And grandpups too,

I love so much

Each one of you.

I sold my coats and winter suits

My red love seat and all my boots

Just me, my clubs, flip flops and car

Have moved down south to Beach Navarre.

Early in the church pew - before the hoopla begins

On the cushion at Swami J’s - after all the talk

Sitting Zen - before the tea routine

At synagogue - if I can qualify for a  ticket 

I love your soul

And you love mine

At this depth there are no obstacles

There is no pain

Let’s just leave it there.

She’s seeking her eternity, this restless, always changing sea.

Horizon’s edge! She finds it there, and steps into the goldwhite air.

The goldwhite air, who dwells in all, then chooses which souls next will fall

Unto birth and earth and sea, to seek out their eternities.  

FLYING IN

My idea clock is skipping ticks

And may stop flat if I’m not quick

To conjure up another trick

But I don’t want to think a thing

Not even dream.

ON THE ROAD TO WRIGHTSVILLE BEACH

I pull off the road to park

And cry my eyes out in the dark

Well I can’t sit like this all day

I blow my nose and wipe away

Tears from my swollen eyes, and pray

Dear Lord, I’ve hit a hopeless phase

Please light me through this hazy maze

Then right before my bleary eyes

A purple, pink, golden sunrise

A sign! This too shall pass, I say

I start my engine and drive away.

AFTER CHURCH ON WRIGHTSVILLE BEACH

It’s sunday now, God’s will was done

Wave watching, walking, prayer, sun

Gave me my slice of daily bread

And energized my heart and head.

Hallowed by Thy name.

Where is the beauty in big gray ice chunks that fall from the underbelly of the car in front of me, as a passing truck splashes sleazy street glaze on my windshield. Where is the beauty in that?

I seem to be losing my sunny glow

Maybe it’s aging, I don’t know

Or reflections of gray from the slushy snow

I just know I’ve got to go…

South.

this bar’s the loneliest of all

couples sitting wall to wall

around the bar in every chair

couples in love everywhere

there’s only one lone man in sight

and he’s a creep, high as a kite

good night!

well wait

i just met a nice couple from wales

we’re all three dancing and exchanging emails

they talk of their town and their little stone home

how they met mccartney and knew zeta jones

now they’re inviting me there for a stay

if ever i make it to the UK

this night is not turning out lonely at all

the high man got kicked out, and i’m having a ball

with the couple from wales

and their beetle tales

the music was wild, the night not a bore

if fact, we’re still talking as they close the bar door.

I tried and tried to reel you in

But you wiggled too long

And my line was too thin.

That last tug broke my line in two

And you swam back home

To before me and you.

My budget’s bare, should save that dime

My St. Louis guy won’t wait this time

The highway’s fast, my Beetle’s slow

Oh I don’t care, I’m gonna go.

Well here I am, pink sky, poolside

Monarch lovelies dip and glide

Palms, old and young, inhale gulf breeze

High up kites sail where they please

My toes greet squeaky, snow-white sand

Waves, like old boyfriends, kiss my hand

This pure delight in God’s confirm

Against all odds, why I return.

I crossed over the bridge and hopped out of my car

And planted my soul on the sands of Navarre

And there I saw something that I never knew

The gulf here seems brighter and bluer than you.

I hate to be fickle, but blue sea’s why I’m here

So forward my mail for the rest of the year.  

I look down and find

I’m tangled, mangled in your line.

Up you look

And, ever so gently, unscrew your hook 

From my heartstrings

But still - it stings.

A couple of tears on my beach towel

Who am I gonna dance with now?

Who’s gonna call me sugar?

Seven AM, I wake up with the flu

Bedridden, I find I have nothing to do

So I lay here and worry until I fall asleep

I wake up at noon, but I don’t want to eat

I worry some more, then try to get on my feet

Well that doesn’t work, so I lay back and worry

What if i never get that check from Murray

How will I work if my car’s repossessed

How will I party without a new dress

Now it’s five and I’m hungry, and looking less pale

The mail lady just brought the check in the mail

And from Saks “a sale on party clothes” letter

All of a sudden I’m feeling much better!

The Don Cesar Bar

So that’s where they are!

The locals in town

Who show up at sundown.

 Well let’s do up our hair

And head over there.

Our primes are through

We’re left, we two

To talk our days

And make our plays

Sickness and health

Broke or in wealth

Comic relief

Or crying in grief

Worn coffee mugs

Yet passion still tugs

Unmarried best friends

We’ll be to the end.

Whenever I save a nickel or dime

or a grand or two i skip out for a time

a trip to beach town

where i live dawn to dawn

daily walks in the sand

till my money is gone

and then back i go

sun-bleached hair and a tan

to the slush and the snow

and my st. louis man

and i promise to stay

and to save up my dough

for the day i turn gray

and have no place to go

well i’ve stayed and i’ve saved

i have almost ten grand

go to hell golden years

i’m heading back to the sand.

i’ll miss my self when I transform

my memories, and the ones i love

my feet that travel me step by step

my hands that write these thoughts into words

my soul? i don’t know

will it stick around

when i merge with the atmosphere

possibly not

yet loved ones who’ve passed i still feel in the air

and God-energy speaks with each breath i exhale

from the guidance and peace that i get from the light

i hold hope that my soul will grow joyous and whole

and well, possibly yes, there is something more. 

If I stray, which I won’t, but God forbid I do

For a day or a month, a year or maybe two

Close your eyes and, in a blink, I’ll be back in your day

You are the true love of my life in some peculiar way.

I’m fifty-nine, I need more time

Before they nail be up in pine

Or burn me into earthly dust

I need more time for lust.

More time to find one more l’amour

My golf game needs a lower score

I’ve still got card tricks up my sleeve

It’s way too soon to leave.

breakfast on the bay

watch the dolphins play

golf balls to drive

try to beat ninety-five

sit and read, walk and lay

in the sun every day

afternoon around two

dine at dave’s ocean view

home to set with the sun

on the beach one more run

pink the sky, crystal sand

this is truly God’s land.

Come on hot flash give me some

This restaurant’s cold and I’m so dumb

I forgot to bring a wrap

Come on old pal, flash me a zap.

I know i cursed you late last night

OK, I’m sorry. Let’s not fight

I’ve got goose bumps on my arm

Come on hot flash, make me warm.

Even better, make me hot

Give me everything you’ve got

Do it until I want to strip

Make my flesh cling to my slip

Where are you hot flash? What’s the deal?

Get me through this stupid meal

I know hot flash, I yelled again

Don’t be so touchy, you’re still my friend

Why are you leaving? That won’t do

What? You’ve found somebody new?

She’s younger and needs you more than I?

You’re leaving me right now? High and dry?

Hmm. I’m smiling. Not weepy. I’m calm. In control.

What I need in this restaurant is simply a stoll.

Help me find some nook or cranny. Somewhere I can park my fanny and my gear throughout the year.  Some oceanfront where I can crash that doesn’t suck up all my cash. A lovely, inexpensive flat where I can hang my towel and hat. Why laugh your waves at me like that!

If i don’t have a steady beau

it doesn’t matter what i know

or who knows me or where i go

or what i eat or i don’t eat

or if i pedicure my feet

without a beau i’m incomplete.

Back in the saddle again

Working until late PM

Five years I had fun

Now I’m under the gun

What a shame to do time

While I’m still in my prime.

I’m not ready to eat

I don’t want a drink

It’s too early to sleep

But I’m too tired to think

My boyfriend is drunk

Not a thing on TV

Life is sure better than

It used to be.

No longer a daughter, nor a wife

I live a solitary life

But still a mother, sister, friend

And who knows what’s around the bend

 Traveler, poet, movie buff

I wouldn’t say my life is rough

Seeking knowledge here and there

Spirit takes me everywhere 

No money saved at fifty-eight

Working hard and overweight

But I’ve my movie times and rhyme

White shores to walk, red rocks to climb

And pictures, tapes, old records books

The family videos I took

To keep my loved ones always near

I guess I’ll try another year. 

eggs and bacon, walk the track

swim some laps and then head back

shower, yoga, drink green tea

work my research until three

eat some tuna, change my clothes

each night’s different so who knows

writers’ group, a poetry read

watch old movies on tv

happy hour at PJ’s place

stay at home and cream my face

lecture one night, prayer group, zen

trips to Destin now and then

catch a movie - anytime!

whatever it takes to make me rhyme.

Bummer!

I want summer.

An auntie can tickle and laugh at his dance

But aunties don’t have to change messy pants.

An auntie can giggle at peas in his hair

But aunties don’t have to clean under his chair,

Or wipe other squishy things off of the floor

An auntie simply gets to adore.

I sleep, breathe deep, fresh ocean air

No clenched fists or nightmare scare

Just chocolate treats on pillows there.

Please forgive me for my flaws

I don’t always know the cause

Of why I do the things I do

Please forgive me, please won’t you?

I sleep with clenched fists

My pillow clutched tightly to my breast

To steel my heart from fear of grief and pain

And armor me so safe and sound my brain

Can rest in peace and dream of joyful things.

Sex can make your head feel buzzy

And you tummy warm and fuzzy

You’ll start to think it’s love you’re in

He’ll squeeze your knee, you’ll tweak his chin

He’ll buy you stuff and dine you fine

Then fill you up with him and wine

You’ll call each other every day

And do phone sex when he’s away

Then some small thing he does or says

Will start you wondering who he is

The next time that you go to bed

The buzz and fuzzies are all dead

The things you thought you liked seem weird

You find fault with his words and beard

There’s no phone sex in your last call

Bye bye baby says it all.

here she comes and here i stand

my friends tell me you lucky man

to have a bride who looks that good

and i like them misunderstood

when searching for my happiness

i looked until i found the best

the best in body, features, hair

and that’s the package standing there

before me at this alter where

at this late hour i realize

this fantasy before my eyes

is just a beautiful disguise

because i know deep in my heart

and must have from the very start

that she has nothing to give me

she’s blank inside i finally see

this barbie doll will marry me

with nothing there to help us grow

within ourselves - i’ve got to go

i’ve got to get away from here

i’m sorry dear.

Incorporate my LLC

Find CPA to counsel me

Establish Florida residency

Weigh one hundred thirty-three

Live with a mate harmoniously

Find some peace inside of me. 

Out here in the yellow leaves

On a mossy path I find my peace

I thank the wind for the wiggling leaves

That jiggle and play on the white birch trees

The sweet damp moss smells like God to me

I breathe it in and it sets me free.

universal energy

lay your loving hands on me

channel oxygenic health

throughout my body and my self

and when my body’s days are through

breathe my soul back into you.

You’ll kiss me goodbye every morning

I’ll hug you hello every night

And we’ll always be faithful

And we’ll never fight.

We’ll walk on white beaches

Beneath a pink sky

And I’ll never get old

And you’ll never die.

i’ll have fun here until the end of the year

and then i’ll stop and face my fear

but from now until then, i’ll run with my friends

and dance and play to the bitter end.

i met a man from Paris, France

with long tan legs in short white pants

gorgeous can’t describe his face

he looked real fine in every place

his voice was sexy, soft and svelte

a french accent that made me melt

he followed me for a day or two

he whispered once, “let me kiss you”

he said. “come for a walk, it will be ok”

then he spoke in french but i walked away

he was there again the next afternoon

he said he was leaving for Paris soon

“come for a walk” he coaxed again

with that velvet voice and innocent grin

i told him how flattered i was that he

had found such a strong attraction to me

he said i was bella (nice? in french)

I almost caved in to his sweet accent

no, i didn’t budge, and he left with no kiss

and i left with a story to tell my sis. 

the wind is strong and balmy

the palm trees dance and jive

the sand it white, the water’s blue

it’s great to be alive

and though the slots are monsters

that swallow hundreds whole

the crap tables show better odds

just got one on a roll

the drinks are worth the travel

the rum goes down so smooth

beach perfectionist that i am

found little to improve. 

you ask, what do you do when you run out of movies to view?

i fall in love with wrong men

sit zen

buy clothes

go to the gym

dream of him

dine out

call my aunt

call my sister

water my plant

take a walk

read a book

write a poem

change my look

visit you

confess straight out

that you’re the him

i’ve been dreaming about

Give me a counselor, I’ll mess with his head

Meet me a math teacher, I’ll calculate bed

Hug me a preacher, my fantasies start

Call me a doctor, I’ll donate my heart.

maybe I will move away

begin again another day

take back my old identity

and be the girl i used to be.

We met four men from Bathe on the bus

The four men from Bathe made a pass at us

To the men from Bathe said the four of us

You can buy uth a drink when he stops the bus

Then the tall one from Bathe with the cleaned shaved head

Gave a batheful smile and my face blushed red

And the bus it stopped and the Bathe-men stood

And we went for a drink and it tasted  good.

you want her and I want you

there’s really nothing i can do

but try to get to know you more

at coffee shops, not on your floor

i’ll bide my time and wait and see

if maybe someday you’ll want me

and if i’m not the one for you

which i’ll admit seems likely true

i’ll go on my merry way

yet savor still that one sweet day 

your floor, the hug, your hands, our kiss

and reminisce on days like this.

we’d watched each other for two years straight

he ate breakfast where i ate

reserved and handsome, dressed real well

doctor? lawyer? hard to tell.

the other day in the parking lot

we finally talked and he asked me out

we’d meet on sunday night at nine

a well-known bar, so that seemed fine

sunday came and we made small chat

what do you do and this and that

then he said, “let’s take a ride

i have a new car, it’s parked right outside”.

his car was plush and in a rush

he kissed and tonqued and i was stunned

he pressed my hand onto his crouch

the other hand went up my blouse

i made light of what he’d done

as i secretly scoped out where i’d run

i said “just drive me to my car

around the building it’s not far”

he took me there but is engine ran

and then he started up again

he tried to push my head down there

his fingers tangled in my hair

and when i saw his unzipped pants

i grabbed the door for my exit chance

i felt like i had just been raped

i kicked his door as i escaped

dad’s words were ringing in my ears

he’d preach to me in my teen years

stand up straight. turn down that noise.

and DO NOT get in cars with boys!

To the men I’ve left, I make amends

I didn’t mean to hurt you then

Even now, don’t take my call

I’m just lonely that is all

If you fall again I’ll leave you flat

I’m older now but I still do that.

you want me to want to

marry you

but if i say ok

will you say i do?

My daughter works at Macy’s

What does your daughter do?

“She graduated college in nineteen ninety-two

She hasn’t found her path yet so she works at Macy’s too.”

My daughter took the wrong path of heroin and crack

But thanks to God and doctors she found the right road back.

Remember them in ruffles? We’d watch them at their play

And now they’re working side by side in Macy’s lingerie.

i’m hungry and fat

and i just hate that.

I miss you most on sunny days

When there’s a breeze and birds are singing

And stormy nights when lightening zings

And thunder’s ringing

And times like this when I am down

You’d call as if you’d heard my weeping

And bedtimes when we told our day

And said our love yous before sleeping.

I think I may miss you forever

Unless, of course, we get together.

Three cool ladies, spirits of the air

Together again, here, there, somewhere

Grandma, mother, daughter, three generations they

Smiling at our follies, still loving us each day.

you criticize my overbite

you want petite and i am tall

you say my upper arms are flabby

you like large breasts and mine are small

my eyes are brown

you wish them blue

i’m fifty

you want twenty-two

my skin is wrinkly in some parts

i have a double chin

i’d rather be alone in life

than hear your rude remarks again

but on you drone about the girls

whose breasts seduce you while you teach

and office girls who like to show their T & A

you dirty leach

and tennis chums who fix you up

with all their wealthy widowed friends

and how can i ignore your ex’s

you reminisce each day of them

either i’m a brain dead saint

or else i am a masochist

no one with any self-respect

would take another day of this.  

T

i miss

your kiss

P

She never met a stranger

Cracked jokes in Seinfeld style

Each time an angel giggles

We wink a knowing smile.

in thirteen days the time will be

for you to stand and marry me

till DEATH you’ll shower me with bliss

why are your lips so cold to kiss?

just ME you’ll love for evermore

why are you running for the door?

my shoe is falling apart

and so is my heart.

Church was tough but I walked inside

And sat where we’d sat side by side.

The minister honored her with a prayer

And I was glad that I was there.

As I left the church I passed friends by

I didn’t want to break and cry.

Driving off was no relief

She used to sit in the other seat.

We’d go for breakfast and a chat

Same time, same place, I’ll sure miss that.

Biscuits and gravy piping hot

We talk and joke and laugh a lot.

They loved her there, like everywhere

Our angel with the silver hair.

You used to be in the other seat.

June so quickly passed me by

as did July

August ran a heated race

then September stole first base

October mooned me every night

November flamed so orange and bright

December lit up like a torch

then dimmed in Jan and Feb and March

Those months sloshed grayly at slow pace

then April bloomed her pretty face

she sped like lightening right through May

which brings me one year from the day

when June so quickly passed me by

as did July. 

I’m living my life like there’s no tomorrow

but what if tomorrow comes?

i’ve dated men like you before

but never again I always swore

yet now i’m coming back for more

whatever for?

I over ate again last night

I over spent my budget too

I’m overwhelmed with self disgust

And overwrought with what to do.

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I’ll let you muse me

If you let me muse you.

He’s not Mr. Right

But he cries at my poems

And he’s offered to share

His food and his home.

He’s not Mr. Right

But he laughs at my verse

And he’s promised to love me

For better or worse.

Though he’s loaded with quirks 

His smile’s a delight

And he’s crazy enough

To think I’m Mrs. Right. 

we joked with each other and we went to check in

watch it be 103 sharon said with a grin

we walked up to the deak and signed for the key

and lo and behold it was 103

it’s grandma again we all had to agree

before heaven her address was elm street, 103

and though she has passed, she still sticks around

where ever we go she will always be found

and once in awhile, in fact many a time

i’m sure with a twinkle, she leaves us this sign. 

heile

i place your your picture in my wallet

the one of you smiling on the beach

then i take it out, and then i put it back in again

finally i leave it behind in the hotel room  

i listen to your messages but don’t return your calls

i don’t let you linger on my mind

i don’t want to fall for you.

I genuinely love you

Said the woman to the man

I love your sense of humor

And i love your thick strong hands

I love your sweet affection

All the silly things you say

And the way you call me sweetie

And the way you make me lay

With your arms all spooned around me

With your front against my rear

And your kisses and your whispers

I guess you get the point my dear.

Where’s a shredder when you need one

I could really feed one.

They’ll never get married and leave you

They’re always so happy to see you

It’s true that their passing will grieve you

So enjoy them each moment you’re free to.

Dedicated to my grandpups - Bam Bam, Scooter, Samone and Snowman

this is my mother

and here is my brother

my sister is there

standing next to my father

there is my daughter

with her husband in tow

and my four little granddogs

all in a row

over there’s uncle vernon

here’s mom’s sister, sharon

and grandma and grandpa

watching from heaven

they all seem to love

or at least trying to

i call that a miracle

and God i thank You.

land of elk and peyote

howl of wolf and coyote

mules packed heavy with gear

deep inside the out-there

the bear that looked you in the eye

those big trout you catch and fry

the picture you took of the rainbow’s end

you’ve found your pot of gold my friend.

kiss me goodbye

and let me die

i will be fine

no need to cry

or cry if you like

if it helps your grief

but don’t cry for me

i’ll feel relief

to take a deep breath

and drift away

i’ve had my fun

i’ve made my hay

when i’m no use

to you or me

kiss me goodbye

and let me be.

It’s fnished with Bart

He likes me, not loves me

I never believed it

But now I do

I can barely rhyme I’m so blue.

Again my life is on the rope

I think my daughter’s back on dope

My dad is ill but won’t seek care

And I’ve got gray roots in my hair

My company’s such a dark, deep pit

I can’t even get rid of it

No one to help, no man or friend

Nothing works, not even zen.

AT FIRST

Why keep you coming in at dawn

Acting like there’s nothing wrong

And make me feel like I’m bizarre

For asking where the hell you were?

I tell you now and I’ll be blunt

The next time that you pull that stunt

Just pack it up and go away

It will be over on that day.

THE NEXT TIME

It’s finished man, get out of here

Stop your mail, pack your gear

The lawyer’s called, the paper’s drawn

I loved you once, but not this dawn.

LATER

Oh how I miss you W. T.

 come back and be a friend to me.

TWENTY YEARS LATER

I cried a hundred million tears

Throughout the span of twenty years

You’d call and write and say that you

Were crying over our loss too

The drugs had screwed your mind around

But you got clean and you got found

That’s when you said you finally knew

How much our love had meant to you

A tad too late to save the day

We’d made our tracks, each our own way

But still i prayed you’d come for me

Oh how i missed you W. T.

In my dreams you’d hug me tight

And say sweet words to make it right

We’d click again and fall in line

i’d be all yours, you’d be all mine

Not really would I make it true

When asked to meet I ran from you

I never saw you all  those years

I did my life and hid my tears

That’s what I’d tell you when you’d call

But we both new that wasn’t all

We kept in touch by phone and note

I saved every poem you wrote

I sent you words and we shared laughter

With no real hope of ever after.

ANOTHER YEAR

And then one day out of the blue

I said yes I’ll meet with you

We’ll have some lunch, a good talkfest

It might just end this maddening quest

And so we lunched and it was strange

Almost like we’d never changed

We hugged like friends or family would

We talked and smiled, it felt sooo good

We both kept cool, our heads were clear

Best friends after all those years

Then walking to the parking lot

My hand bumped yours and things got hot

We found my car and climbed inside

And kissed and touched and kissed and sighed

And cried for what we could have been

And then we laughed and kissed again

It truly was a blissful day

You watched me as i drove away

It felt like we’d made history

A grand finale memory

You called to go to lunch again

Maybe even that week-end

I said yes but just as friends

We can’t let this get out of hand.

AND THEN

That second lunch was hotter still

We’ve always been, we always will

I love you muchly W.T.

It’s great to have you back with me.    

He asked what my apartment was like

I said he could come and see

He smiled, you should be more careful 

of dirty old men like me.

I said, but you’re a professor

and i think you’re awfully nice.

he smiled, you can’t trust professors

you better heed my advice.

I said, come on down here and talk to me

I’d like to see who we can be.

And he did, and we did.

There’s one fact in life

That I can’t deny

They’ll always be somebody

Younger than I

And smarter and thinner

And prettier too

Waiting to charm

And to be charmed by you

You’re endearingly earnest

You believe that it’s true

When you say I’m enough

Where there’s charming to do

But now, let’s be honest

We both think the same

And you, just like I

Can’t pass up a good game.

ouner

I loved you husband number two

You opened me, I bloomed for you

You traveled me and moved me where

I learned to learn and learned to care

It took a year to see the sign

Your illness and the violent side

But still, thanks for the growing time.

I loved you husband number three

You mused me into poetry

You saw the earth the same as I

You hiked me way up to the sky.

And late in my small bed alone

I reach out and dial the phone

And vow to you from deepest me

I still do love you number three.

i loved you husband number one

back when you were wild and fun

you were an athlete, so cool

you drove a fast, black car to school

you danced and drank and partied wild

a God to this police chief’s child

i loved your popularity

and saved you my virginity

a year or two we older grew

it turned to like, my love for you

you wanted marriage, you’d settled down

i wanted college out of town

but on the other hand with you

i’d get a car and freedom too

a house where i could stay up late

rooms that i could decorate

our ten year marriage wasn’t bad

i was my mom, you were my dad

but freedom never came to be

and in our tenth year i broke free

i flew the coup and shocked you wild

i moved out with our only child

i didn’t do it out of spite

i thought a quick break would be right

but i did love you number one

back when you were wild and fun.

let people be

if you don’t like what you see

don’t demand that they change

or feel threatened or strange

just keep it brief

don’t buy into the grief

simply start a new day

and go on your way.

My mind is consumed with a love that’s in vain

Desire grips my heart like a vise

I shamelessly chase you, no matter the pain

I know it’s not proper or wise

I want to explore you as long as I can

I need to see what we could be

I want to get used to your everyday ways

And I want you to get used to me

I’m obsessive about it, I have to admit

Like a game that I have to lead in

I also admit that you’re damned hard to get

And for your sake I hope that you win

For it’s likely if you ever finally say yes

I’ll leave you and go for another conquest.

I wished you happiness and health

I wished you wealth beyond compare

Now that it’s happened as I wished it

I wish you’d share.

Nurses bustle all about

One wakes you up

One puts you out

One makes you walk though you’re in pain

One jabs a needle up your vein

One fills you up

Says hold it in

And when you’re done

Does it again

But when your IV bag is drained

Or even worse, your bag for pain!

Or anti-nausea meds are due

Or you need a sleeping pill or two

You can buzz that buzzer

All you like

A nurse might stop by

But the word is MIGHT.

true love out there

don’t despair, don’t despair

i’m sure we will cross on our paths now and then

and if fate has it’s way we will be once again

but if we don’t cross, never ever again

you will always be here in my innermost in.

Your daughter’s on the first floor?

Oh, that’s maternity!

Your son is on the second floor?

A tonsilectomy?

I’m headed for the fifth floor

You don’t want your child there

It’s chemical dependency

That’s why I say this prayer.

Oh Lord please help the fifth floors

All across this land

Walk the floors both day and night

They need Your healing hand.

Bless the ones who aren’t checked in

And those upon the verge

They need a nudge from You, dear Lord

They don’t quite hear Your word.

And most of all, dear Lord, I pray

Go with those checking out

Enfold them tightly in Your arms

Until they feel no doubt.

So many witnesses have said

You’ve helped them out the door

So don’t forget my daughter, Lord

She’s there on the fifth floor.

I laugh when you laugh

I cry when you cry

I live just to love you

I’ll die if you die.

I’m driving here along this winding road

Through woods of greenery with rays of gold

That’s where I hear Your message clear and true

And where I come to get in touch with You.

I try to be as strong as I can be

But troubles often get the best of me

That’s when I drive in search of You, my friend

And faithfully, You’re waiting round the bend.

I’m driving back to town without a care

My worries have been answered with a prayer

The road came to an end but my soul’s free

Because You’re riding back to town with me.

I married a man, then left him flat

I was unfullfilled and that was that.

I married a man who turned me on

Then he turned mean and I was gone.

I married a man and held too tight

Then he stopped coming home at night.

I married a man, then set him free

He loved drugs more than he loved me.  

I gave up wild men two decades ago

I quit smoking pot twenty years from today

As for gambling and shopping, I learned to say no

Now I just sit home and pray.

I pray that someday pot is legal and free

I pray I can shop till my whole wardrobe’s new

I pray a wild, ponytailed man flirts with me

As my slot machine hits the beg red, white and blue.

Peel it?

Tuck it?

Liposuc it?

Aw fuck it.

May Mr. Wealth and Mrs. Health

Stop by your house to visit you

And then when you are rich and well

Send them around to my house too.

I have a confidence to tell

You think you know my mother well

I do agree her poetry

Is all that it’s cracked up to be

But family, friends and office staff

Delight in mother’s other craft

Her poetry’s unique enough

But you should taste my mom’s cream puff

Chocolate icing a half inch high

Whipped cream running out the sides

The ones she bakes for uncle Bill

Have powdered sugar and custard fill

She’ll bake a batch for any reason 

Birthdays, every holiday season,

Or when one of us girls feels down

What a treat to sit around

With coffee and a cream puff near

My mother truly is a dear

We klatch and laugh, no way to cry

Once we’ve hit that cream puff high.

My therapist says to have more fun

And I’m inclined to do it

This work’s been zapping up my life

I’m ready to say screw it.

If chaos and guilt were results of your pleasure

And kicking the habit was hellhole of pain

Then ask, when temptation applies heavy pressure,

Is the wreck at the end worth the ride on the train?

Just like the eaglechild dear girl

it’s time to try your wings

you’ll fall a lot - it hurts to fall

you’ll lose your way as do we all

the wind and rain will hit your face

and blind your eyes and freeze your wings

just stop and light from time to time

and suddenly it will be spring

remember this when things get rough

you come from sturdy stock

radar and survival skills

are standard in our lot

above all know that God is near

and we’re all here

good sailing dear.

It was one of those things where we clicked when me met

We were in the same business, I’ll never forget

How he charmed and he teased and he looked so darn fine

We fit like a glove and I knew he’d be mine

And he knew I’d be his, and we went on that way

Clicking and clicking till our wedding day.

Well I didn’t know him and he didn’t know me

And sooner than later the truth came to be

He and his drugs, me so insecure, but we still had our charm

And looked good arm in arm

With love and charisma we tried to hold tight

But problems would surface and then we would fight

Long into the night and the morning light too

We even tried counseling but that didn’t do.

It was only a year from beginning to end

I split from my husband and lost my best friend

It was finished so fast, not ever to be

But i still dream of him and he still dreams of me

We have other commitments, that’s a cold fact

We could have been something, but it’s too late to go back. 

they say the only help to give

is to leave you alone and pray you live

advice and lectures i love to spew

i can’t find the words to get to you

so sink or swim, do or die

no more to rescue you come i 

The skinny squirrel squeezed through the fence

And ran up to the President

While I stood squinting through the fence

With people waiting three lines dense.

Only squirrely squirrels it seems

Can pierce the presidential seams.

I’ve never heard a sweeter sound

Than grandma singing next to me

Old time hymns in our small church

In rapturous tenor harmony.

Sometimes I’d stop my singing short

To listen to her lovely sound

 I knew someday she would be gone

And I would have to stand alone.

I’ve never heard another voice

That sang a song like grandma did

I wish I would have listened more

To songs she sang and words she said.

In later years her hands went numb

And though she couldn’t feel a thing

She played her organ every day

Favorite hymns to which she’d sing.

A cheerful giver always she

Not only was her singing rare

Her special love for each of us

Assured us all that someone cared.

four young friends on graduation day

each hugged each other and went on her way

through fortune and fame and poverty too

down one fell as another up grew

through babies, divorces, houses and cars

they waged their battles and won their wars

through husbands and boyfriends and lovers and such

the young (at heart) friends still keep in touch

and sometimes when everyone’s in the same state

they meet, tell their secrets, and laugh at their fate.

our courtship lasted only months

our marriage double that

in years we racked up less than two

so why do i still dream of you?

i chalk it up to unrequite

if it had only worked out right

if we had only faced the woe

but as you know we let it go

a decade i still dream of you

could that mean our love was true

four thousand days have passed us by

and still i cry.

daughter dear whatever you do

remember God is there with you

pray for guidance constantly

i hAve to say it works for me

you have a will to choose Your way

but God will guide you if you pray

ask for help if that’s he case

you can do it any place

when problems seem the very worst

call on God for help, of course

remember too when things are fine

a silent thanks is right in line

there will always be a better way

to make your day if you just pray

just ask for what is best for you

and each day daughter i will too.  

I remember as a child

The trees so tall, the flowers wild

The sweet moist moss in the warm, soft sun

My cowgirl boots, and my cowgirl gun

What a life that was, what contentment there

Nothing in my path but the clean fresh air

Then the months passed by and I started school

Land where looks and social standing rule

I was smarter than cute, and my parents young

didn’t forge my way, so i bumped along

popular and cute consumed my teen prime

smart was easier but there wasn’t time

no one said to me, think ahead young girl

when you’re on your own you ‘ll need more than curl

more the thought was then, who will marry me

which one’s mr. right, what will his job be

no one said to me, smart wins in the end

it will care for you in the cold, harsh wind

cute goes on it’s way, then it’s down to smart

when you reach halfway for the final part

and though smart is smart, it cannot compare

to that mossy scent in the warm soft air

ah, the final phase, lovely days on earth

nature’s child again, realize my worth.

Shoo flies, dodge bees

Swat moquitoes, sweat, sneeze

Sticky kid drips sticky treat

Ants gather at my feet

Restrooms far, no water near

Cold charcoal, hot beer

Knats at my ankles, relentless sun

It’s picnic time, let’s have some fun!

jack my ex husband stops by now and then

eddie’s my lover and frank’s my best friend

so why is my rope at it’s end?

richard is always right there when i call

and he’s not too short and i’m not too tall

so why is there nothing at all?

there was stephen from new york

and david from dallas

and herb from atlanta

but he married alice

there was tom from the suburbs

and ron with the van

and michael the artist

and then there was dan

the producer and jerry the prosche

and larry the broker, and oh yes of course

there was JAMES

all brooks brothered with honet blue eyes

all guccied and puccied from his socks to his ties

james swore that heloved me and never would leave

but james had a wife up his brooks brothered sleeve.

I’m getting married but before I do

I’m wondering if you’re married too

If by chance you are still free

Swing on by and talk to me. 

My husband looks at other legs

and he’s been known to love it

this jealousy is pettiness

and i shall rise above.

you ask me why

you plead

you beg for an answer

you cry

you offered yourself to me and i took you for my ego like an asprin

now when it’s my turn to give

i don’t answer

i’m not there

i’m cruel

i’m unfair

i don’t love you

my daughter liked eddie and i think she liked tom

and of course jack, her daddy, but most others bombed.

i tried to save dating for nights and weekends

when she was with daddy or one of her friends

but somehow she managed to meet all my dates

she was very perceptive and in minutes would rate

them as funny, kid-friendly, adjusted, or not

if i’d listened to her would i be in this spot?

Looks are fine

But in a steam

Legs and breasts

Don’t mean a thing.

Lips and eyes

And skin and hair

No longer there

Just thick white air.

That’s where you see

What you’ve become

Your total sum.

i really ought to be with you tonight

i ought to be there easy in your days

my car should be garaged at your address

we out to go together our own ways

i should be at your table, in your bed

i should be in your hammock when i sun

and when you order chevas with a splash

you should be saying two instead of one

long distance calls are lately all we share

your words are oh so loving and so true

though neither you or i can make a move

i really ought to be there next to you. 

Here I am again today

Not quite who I was before

Mostly traveling down the road

Though times I turn and head for home

But just when I am almost there

I turn again and journey on

To who knows where, and then beyond.

my head woke up straight at a quarter to eight

while my passion lay snuggled asleep at his thighs

but even his breathing reflected his lies

i gulped down my juice and i blinked at the sun

i zipped up my skirt and proceeded to run

the door almost open, my bag on my arm

and then EIGHT FIFTEEN shrilled that monstrous alarm

up bolted my lover, my passion rose too

it yanked at my heart as he pulled off my shoe

with one playful tug i landed in bed

where we romped in the hay, till a voice said ok

you know he’s been untrue, you know he’ll cause you pain

take a leap for your horse, take a run for your train

but get out of this bed

by this time it was nine when i’d heard what i said

so i threw down the clock and i threw off the cover

and a i threw a last kiss to my sweet lying lover

my simmering passion i crammed in a drawer

i stacked all his lies on a shelf by the bar

the door opened for me and i winked at the day

the beginning and end at a quarter of ten.

Brown-eyed, wiggly, patty-caker

Sucking in your sleep

Baby powder sweet

i rocked you to sleep

Kissed you awake

I would have turned somersaults

Had you been able to ask

i shielded your face from the wind

Polished your baby shoes

Cleaned your nose

Diapered you

Napped you

Loved you

Now you are eight

You read and write and multiply

You have permanent teeth

You blow your own nose

You love dogs and boys and daddy

You are a beautiful blossom

Sensitive to people’s hurts

Resilient beyond belief

You make it through my mistakes

You are a survivor.

your deep brown eyes could warm my soul

there was no other quite like you

and knowing this i should have followed through

and plucked you for myself

but carelessly i let you grow away

and now today another looks your way

and smiles at you just like i used to do.

you bang on my door

i don’t answer

i knew all along

that we were all wrong.

i went to a pta meeting tonight

me, who has two lovers

me, who drinks bloody marys at singles bars

me, who flies away for the week-end whenever he asks

i sat in a folding chair and voted on a scholarship fund

i ate a chocolate cupcake and drank cherry punch

i liked myself again

sunshine reminds me of you

because you live on sunset boulevard

and when we met you were building a sunroof

and the thought of eating a tomato could turn you yellow

because of that time on the pier at sunrise

because you were warm to my child

because you lit up my smile. 

last night i dreamt of only you

the night before i did it too

and then this morning, and now today

the thought of you won’t go away

but you belong to her and them

and you know i belong to him

i’ve never told you how i feel

and if i’m smart i never will.

gentle stroker

you pull me into you

sweet word caresser

you shiver me with your whisper

i am drifting into you

i am loving you

not knowing you

I want my life stacked neatly on a shelf

My books, my creams, my notes, my dreams

Shelf by shelf, my self on solid oak

Or shelves made of Louis Vuiton

That fold into a trunk for when I’m ready to move on.

I can’t say it was wasted, the time I gave to you.

I gambled on you, not knowing.

I just reached in and took some of you for myself.

We ran a good race, dodging the obstacles, avoiding the obvious, breathing in love’s high

And though in time we fell by the wayside, exhausted, I can’t say it was wasted.

I’d asked him many times before

To pack his bags and close the door

He did today. He went away

The life we led was such a hell

In hatefulness we’d scream and yell

And may I add, we did it well

The worse we fought the less we loved

And finally it drained away

We couldn’t do it one more day

He went away I’m glad to say.

He came to me so strong and smart

He moved into my head and heart

I followed him as he took command

My mentor, genius, worldly man.

My daughter sensed that things weren’t right

I told her to be more polite

I shushed her when she made a fuss

But she knew he was wrong for us

Now after months of pain and sorrow

She and I will leave tomorrow.

How was your flight?

Did you have fun?

You sat next to an Indian?

Was the stewardess nice?

Did she bring you a meal?

Did you look out the window?

How do you feel?

Are you tired?

Are you happy?

Do you miss me much?

Now don’t forget to keep in touch.

You can call me night or day

Have daddy listen when you pray

Don’t forget to brush your teeth.

Say hello to Lynn & Keith.

Practice your reading and math while you’re there.

Brush the underneath part of your hair.

What are you wearing?

Oh, something new?

Grandma bought it just for you?

Have fun with daddy.

Keep your room tidy.

I bet he thinks you look cute in your nightie.

What’s that baby? You’ve got to go?

He’s taking you to a Disney show?

Have fun my little pumpkin pie.

I love you dear.

OK.

Goodbye. 

Bambi eyes and angel hair

I see you quietly standing there

I know you must be so confused

Our family life was neatly wrapped

All sealed and tied, no edges torn

We had a house, a car, a dog

A new gas grill, a wooded yard

Sidewalks and a school nearby

A little pool, a kite to fly.

One day out of he clear blue sky

I left your dad, i don’t know why

Except the house and car and kite

Just weren’t enough to make it right

What i forgot to think about 

Were things that you would do without

I don’t mean toys and dancing class

You’ll miss your daddy being there

To sit and stroke your pretty hair

Or watch cartoons on Saturday

Or mow the lawn while you’re at play.

I didn’t really think it through

Much less explain it well to you

But there’s one thing that’s very clear

Mommy and daddy love you dear.

God bless my daughter

My sweet little girl

God please hold her close to You

As she journeys through this world.

Keep her healthy, safe and sound

Catch her when she falls

I’m grateful God that you’ll be there

To hear her when she calls.

when i was little, almost three

i beamed cause dad was proud of me

when by myself i went potty

i bet he was thinking - finally!

when mom would take me to the store

i’d throw tantrums on the floor

as she dragged me through the door

i bet that she wished i was four

i had a sweet sister, a cute baby brother

a handsome dad, a beautiful mother

a small town, with family and friends galore

grandparents closeby - they lived next door.

our little church was across the way

from the window i thought i saw Jesus one day

i squealed to my mother and grandma came too

they laughed when they saw it was Minister Lou.

the branches were just right for climbing our trees

i loved learning, so going to school was a breeze

every christmas of youth was a fantasy trip

not one of those times will i ever forget.

springtime in the yard of our small cottage home

i would kneel in the moss, my bare back to the sun

oh the scent of moist moss and fresh earth in that place

a now moment still of pure nature and grace.

my pre-teens brought friction between dad and i

now looking back i suppose he knew why

i’m sure he understood and forgave me my rage

when i was at that twelve year stage.

well by and by i did turn four

i’d stopped throwing tantrums at the grocery store

i bumped through my teens with that whole ebb and flow

then at eighteen i married my high school beau.

we bought a new house and bought a new car

then he was drafted in the vietnam war

when he returned we tried for quite a while

and finally God blessed us with a child.

 what a love, what a whirl

our sweet baby girl!

i’d walk her through the yard and we’d pause for awhile

and the sun warmed our backs like when i was a child. 

I knew not if I was rich or poor

Or pretty or witty or anything more

Than a happy child with my mother and dad

In a sweet little cottage on my grandparents’ land. 

I know a man who is a great success

Though a large income he does not profess

He may not be a profile in big business

But his achievements work for God’s forgiveness

Although his clothes are not made of the best

When principles and virtue are at test

He always scores much higher than the rest.

This man solves many problems on his knees

Praying to God of whom he lives to please

Whereas the other men who claim success

Solve problems signing checks at office desks

The first of whom I spoke at church can find

A hand of comfort and a peace of mind

The second holds a pill in his clenced fist

And by his side sits a psychiatrist.

ENGAGED

Some people want their name in lights

Some join the arm in hopes to fight

Others choose the college life

But I’d prefer to be a wife.

Someday I’ll have to clean and cook

Before there’s time to read a book

But still I can’t wait for the time

When wedding instead of school bells chime.

SECOND THOUGHTS

Can this be all there is to love

If so than it’s a farce

Instead of feeling giddy joy

I’m laden with remorse.

He only wants to tie me down

And cause me to feel shame

To seek and education

Make my fortune, find my fame.

Why have I not heard wedding bells

Or my mind strayed to wishes

Of husband, child, split-level home

And pretty china dishes.

I don’t think I’ll be happy

With this man so uninquiring

I’m way to young to cork my dreams

It’s college that’s inspiring.

I remember as a child

I never worried, just ran wild

My future then seemed so secure

My heart was light, my mind was pure

But now I am of aged years

Evil has scarred me as have fears

I now see through more serious eyes

And often times give worried sigh

My buried husband I outlive

My children to their own must give

I’m left alone in memories mild

To dream of when I was a child.

In all my fifteen years I’ve wondered

But never have Ii really pondered

Or searched my mind that I may see

What Easter really mans to me.

If asked, i might quite bluntly say

It means a special sort of day

Easter eggs, the scent of flowers

Maybe even April showers

But in attempt to venture further

I may say something more or other

About how Jesus Christ descended

Although His life on earth had ended

Crucified upon the cross

Spiritually living, physically lost

He asked forgiveness for the bad

Their eternal lives to be free and glad

Easter day when He appeared

Messenger of God, not wanting to be feared

Tt came to be that He was free

Ever living spiritually

In tears of joy His mother knelt

With happiness where pain had dwelt 

She thanked God for His arrival

And for His symbolic survival

Speaking of this atmosphere

I think is what makes Easter dear

When asked what Easter means today

Eternal life is what I’d say.